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I have some absolutely hilarious Twi-news for you all today!

1. Robert Pattinson “dead”. Seems like celebrity death hoaxes are all the rage at the moment. Pick someone who isn’t going to appear a mere few hours later live on television, idiots. That way you might actually fool someone.

2. Fifty Things You Didn’t Know About Twilight. By Cleo Magazine. More like ‘Fifty Fun Facts about Robert Pattinson’. Oh and they also attack Kristen Stewart for not having read the book before she was offered the audition. Well whopdeedoo Basil, nor did most of the rest of the cast!

3. Dimlight! Quite possibly the best parody I’ve seen yet. Well, after the SmokeyFizz one about cookies. But Dimlight is still epic! WATCH IT! I lolled big time.

4. I’m not going to link to them, because you can find them everywhere (and because I find them a bit scary and wish to avoid them myself), but more lols thanks to the hundreds of girls who announced that they would marry Robert Pattinson/who proposed to Robert Pattinson/who said Robert Pattinson was the reason for their existence on camera. You make me lol. Not only is it kind’ve illegal for him to marry you – considering 90% of you are underage – but celebrities don’t date the creepy fans. Also, the media like making fun of you.

5. Six Excuses for Grown Ups to justify seeing Twilight. Excuse me whilst I lol. LOL! Ok, now that that’s done, let me lol again. LOL!
Yes, because all the cinema staff are judging you. Just like the bookstore staff did. So suck it up and go see the movie if you want. No one cares that much.

And that’s a wrap for the most hilarious Twi-news of the week.

Let me know if you find anything else that twi-larious!

Over & Out!

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Excuse me Twilighters everywhere. You, yes, you.

Hear the exciting news? Yeah, I heard it too. New Moon the movie! YAY!

If you want more details, check them out at Deadline Hollywood Daily and
Cinema Blend

Now, you might notice some of the comments people have made. Some very rude comments.

No, I’m not talking about the Twilight bashers who hate everything Twilight – I don’t care about those people, whatevs to them, they’re missing out.

The people who I have a bone to pick with are infact the Twilighters themselves. Team Edward girls, to be precise. (Just for the record, as I’ve previously mentioned, I am Team Edward.)

EXCUSE ME GIRLS! (and boys) What the hell? You call yourselves Twilight fans, yet you go bashing New Moon because omg, shock horror, Edward is missing for a fair chuck of the novel!

Furthermore, you go on and whinge about how you’re going to refuse to see the movie if they actually DARE focus on Bella and Jacob during that time Eddie is missing!

And THEN, to top it all off, you, yes you Team Edward-ers, who claim you know absolutely everything about Edward, say you will ONLY see the movie if they “flick across” to the “adventures” Edward and the Cullens were having “in Italy”, away from Bella.

Well it’s time for a reality check!

Have you read New Moon? I assume you have, if you are as in love with Edward as you claim to be. Because I’d like to make some things very clear.

First of all, there are many reasons why Edward leaves that turn into crucial events in the story:

1. Edward leaves Bella because he thinks she’ll be safer, but what we realise is that she isn’t.

2. We suffer with Bella whilst Edward is away, it makes us long for him even more.

3. Jacob is crucial to the storyline – in terms of the werewolves (Sam! Seth! Leah!), in terms of Renesmee. (Remember, the original sequel to Twilight was Forever Dawn, in which Jacob imprinted, despite having only been a minor character in the first book.)

4. Laurent and Victoria reappear (although Victoria is more illusive), which we also realise is crucial to the storyline.

5. Bella jumps off a cliff.

6. The Volturi would be difficult to introduce otherwise.

7. And finally, and most importantly, both Bella and the reader realise exactly WHAT is being sacrificed by Bella choosing to be with Edward, hopefully one day as a vampire.

Also, we must look at exactly what Edward was doing during the time he and Bella were apart. If you were a true Edward fan, you’d know what he was up to:

1. He tried tracking Victoria, and failed.

2. He then went and sat, in a corner (of sorts), still as a statue, and wallowed and moped. Because he missed his Bella, and he later told her that he was on the verge of coming back for her, before he found out she’d “died”.

3. He arrived, in Italy, only a few days before Bella. And he went to Italy to convince the Volturi to kill himself.

So, let me conclude thus far: Bella, in Forks, discovers werewolves and jumps off a cliff. Edward, in a corner somewhere, wallows and mopes and sits as still as a statue. He is not having “adventures in Italy”.

What’s going to make a more exciting movie? I think we all know the answer to that one.

Of course, I love looking at very pretty Robert Pattinson as much as the next girl. I’ve confessed that many a time. But really, he’d be sitting so still that it would be easier and cheaper to just download a picture of him and stare at it for about an hour. (Which is about the time I assume they’ll dedicate to Jacob time in the movie.)

And it’s just not THRILLING! Werewolves and cliff diving is far more thrilling.
Also, we must remember, the events in Italy take up a large chunk of the novel, and will no doubt end up being the focus of the movie, regardless. You’ll still get your Edward fill – not only in New Moon, but when Eclipse and Breaking Dawn are movie-fied also.

Also, just one more thing, I might be a very, very loyal Team Edward fan, but I want the story Stephenie Meyer wrote – I am loyal to her first and foremost – I do not want to watch Robert Pattinson sit in a corner JUST because he’s pretty. (I do that every day, he’s my laptop wallpaper!)
Remember – most of you hated him only a few short months ago. (I’m pretty sure I was the only girl on the planet who was pleased with his casting, initially.)

So if you’re really the Twilight fan you claim to be, you’d all stop bashing New Moon and Jacob – because you KNOW Bella picks Edward anyways, and because New Moon should be movie-fied as loyally to the book as is possible!

And you should all be thrilled that they’re turning the other books into movies – when initially, they were going to leave it at Twilight. I am really, honestly, absolutely psyched for both Twilight and New Moon, movie-fied!

My work here is done.

p.s. You may notice, under various New Moon movie-related articles, there are comments that read similarly to this one. That’s me. Infact, if you click on my name you SHOULD be redirected here or to my email. I don’t normally get stirred up over things like this, but man you guys really got my knickers in a knot!

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I shall make this very clear now: I love Leah. She is my best and favourite werewolf and my best and favourite minor character. Alright? And to all you Leah-haters out there: whatever in your face. You clearly know nothing about life and broken hearts and having to always be around the boy you can’t have and all that stuff.

Why do I love Leah? Well first of all, she’s got super spunk. Ok, sure so with Sam’s pack she used to stir fights and controversies – but put yourself in her paws, honestly. Imagine having to be around the boy who broke your heart, to have to hear his thoughts, especially as he would almost always be thinking about his new girl. It’d just about kill me if I were in her shoes, I’d go absolutely crazy. Absolutely crazy. Ok, so Leah’s a “harpy” but man, Jacob was being a complete hypocrite calling her that.

Second of all, she is a great big sister to Seth. Ok, so she teases her brother ‘Mum dropped him alot when he was a baby.’, but don’t we all make fun of our siblings? It’s kind’ve expected. And she always worries about him, looks out for him, makes sure he doesn’t become a ‘vampire chew toy’ – even if half her excuse for that is to get away from Sam. (But wouldn’t you also look for any excuse to get away from Sam?)

Now don’t go claiming that you wouldn’t act like Leah if you were in her shoes! I know you would. I know I have! She’s not so different from the rest of us girls. Ok, so she can shapeshift into a werewolf, and has super strength and her body temperature would kill any ordinary girl, but she longs for acceptance and to find someone who will look after her and love her and make her feel the way Sam did and she has human emotions. Don’t tell me you didn’t want revenge when you had your heart trashed. Man I know Sam tries, but that doesn’t help her at all.

And ok, she hates Bella. But wouldn’t you? No Bella, no vampire problem, no werewolves, her and Sam might’ve still been together. Or at the very least she would’ve stayed human, stayed out of Sam’s thoughts and not been menopausal. That’s enough of a reason to hate Bella, in my opinion. (Note: I adore Bella, but this isn’t about her, it’s about Leah so whatever in your face times two!)

Leah’s got nerve, like Hannah Montana sings about having. Infact, I bet she often asked herself:
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Well I’ll tell you now, Leah. Hannah Montana would write a song about it and then she’d plot some really intricate plan where she used her Hannah Montana-ness against her opponent. After all, who says you can’t be Superman? Hannah sure doesn’t!

“This is making me sick, Jacob. Can you imagine what this feels like to me? I don’t even like Bella Swan. And you’ve got me grieving over this leech-lover like I’m in love with her, too. Can you see where that might be a little confusing? I dreamed about kissing her last night! What the hell am I supposed to do with that?”

Ok, here she comes across like a total bitch. But she’s not just whinging about her dream man, she’s telling Jacob to drink a cup of concrete and toughen the hell up, because Bella’s obviously never going to pick him just like Sam didn’t pick her so whatever in his face. Now, I totally felt for Jake at that point, the poor kid, but Leah’s right – he needed more than a cup of concrete, he needed some coffee in that and a few whole chilies. She was just trying to help him get over it, in her own, albeit slightly unusual, way. Remember, Leah and Jake eventually bond – the fact that both had suffered from torturous broken hearts was not coinky-dink, peoples!

Finally, the reason I love Leah is that she is an unresolved character. Everyone else is pretty much resolved. Jacob and Renesmee will be forever happy together, as will Edward and Bella and the rest of the Cullens. Many of the other werewolves imprinted and Seth is still a baby. Leah, menopausal at twenty and finally having escaped Sam leaves the world of Twilight open for us to maybe return one day. I’m surely not the only one who wants to find out if Leah ever imprints or manages to make sexy times and have tiny werewolf babies with her hottie imprintee.

So we conclude here, and whoever still disagrees with me about Leah:
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As in, Leah will kick your puny human bum into infinity, because she’s super tough and all. Yeah.

Credits: Wolf image from ClarkVision
p.s. quote of the moment: “Perhaps its because I’m not impressed with antiquity.” – Edward Cullen, Eclipse

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Today’s character of choice is the topic of the moment: Renesmee.

Love her or hate her, she’s there and you can’t get rid of her.

Now, Renesmee is obviously a half-breed (which Draco Malfoy would say is dirty :P), being that daddy is a vampire and mummy was a human at the time. This frustrated many readers, including myself initially. You can see my rant on “Why didn’t Edward use protection?” in my post When a mummy and a daddy love eachother very much, they call the Stork! at my other blog. Of course, the debate over whether or not Bella and Edward could’ve had a baby is not the only thing that needs considering!

First of all, why is Renesmee so perfect?
Well, did you know that no matter how ugly you are/you think you are, your mum and dad still think you’re pretty special, and that you’re very attractive. Did you not realise, after all this time, that this book is from BELLA’S point of view (except for the bit that isn’t) and thus her perception of Renesmee is obviously going to be bias. Renesmee could look like a gremlin as per the post at Lauren’s Bite, for all we know! Really, no matter what she looked like, Bella would’ve cooed over her.

What is that you say? Charlie thought she was pretty? Charlie is her granddad, nuff said. Same goes for all the Cullens. Although, I reckon Emmett would’ve been pretty blunt had the baby been a really ugly mutant. So we can assume that she is at least a humanoid and that she is cute.

Having said all this, have you ever seen an ugly baby? I mean in real life, not on the tv or in a magazine where the babies are mutated for fun times. I have never seen an ugly baby. From this, we can conclude that as long as Renesmee is humanoid, she is cute.

Jacob, of course, is clearly not thinking straight when he looks at Renesmee and thus also cannot be seen as a reliable source of the true Renesmee. See! All this bias and you guys are RANTING on about how much you hate this perfect baby. Maybe this baby isn’t perfect? Maybe she won’t be as pretty as Edward and Bella when she stops growing because she hasn’t got complete vampire blood?

Now, I’ll be the first to admit, Renesmee is not my favourite character. Infact, she annoys me alot. Or is it Bella’s perception that annoys me? Quite possibly. After all, eventually we all do get a bit sick of people cooing about their perfect children who are in actual fact normally the ones that are the biggest brats. (Yes, I can say this, I get on famously with children and as a babysitter I know how parents get.) But I don’t think Renesmee is really that much of a brat, she’s maturing too fast.

I think, for most of the anti-Renesmee people out there, the big issue was not Renesmee herself, but what Renesmee does to the story: she took up all Bella’s attention and SIDELINED Edward. How could she?! This story is supposed to be theirs, not hers. And we got less Edward with the introduction of the offspring. We got more Jacob though, much more Jacob. Which didn’t fuss me, but I’m sure irritated any anti-Jacobers out there. (p.s. stop being cold, if you have ever EVER been in a situation like Jacob’s, where you suffer unrequited love whilst the object of your affection runs off with someone you feel is bad for them you’d totally understand and love him too. even if you are staunchly team Edward)

Now, where were we?

Ah yes.

1. Bella is obviously bias because Renesmee is her child.
2. Same goes for Charlie and the Cullens.
3. Renesmee sidelined Edward.
4. Jacob too, because of the imprint.
5. Stop being nasty to Jake.
6. I’m Team Edward.
7. Is the irritating character Renesmee or really Bella because of the way she sees Renesmee?

Let us continue.

Did anyone else find it incredibly annoying that when Renesmee was eaten out of Bella’s stomach she was automatically liked? After having been the horrid Bella-killer after all this time. Man, if I was Edward and Bella was carrying a killer mutant, I’d secretly find a way to abort it in her sleep – regardless of the consequences.

And if I were the Cullens, I’d be more like Alice, because she was cautious of the half breed Bella-killer. I’d steer way clear of anything that almost destroyed someone I loved that much! (Even if it was cute.) Although, I guess eventually she’d grow on me, but only cos I really like babies!

When I read about everyone just instantly liking Renesmee right after her birth, I texted my bestie, outraged. Especially Jacob imprinting! I was so upset:

“HOW COULD JACOB IMPRINT ON THAT MUTANT CREATURE? HOW COULD STEPHENIE MEYER DO THAT TO HIM? HE’S BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH AND THIS IS WHAT HE GETS? HOW RUDE!”

Lucky I continued reading, huh?

For now, let us conclude on Renesmee. If I decide there’s something I should add, I will. (Maybe about the other vampires – like Dracula 1 and Dracula 2 and Zafrina)

Renesmee was evil, but then she wasn’t. She’s still a little annoying. She’ll grow up. She got a happy ending. Yay.

Next time: Leah Clearwater. Because she is my best and favourite minor character.

p.s. Leah would make a far better spin off than Renesmee. Renesmee got her happy ending, we all know she’ll grow up and be happy with Jake forever. Leah has been left unresolved – ergo SM should develop her. Far more interesting read guaranteed.

xoxo.

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